Coming to Terms with Happiness
Coming to Terms with Happiness
“I know we’re living in the Marcos Era. And I’m aware that many people are suffering. But I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Am I supposed to feel guilty about it or hide my happiness?”
Thanks to NGL (a website where people can send their anonymous questions to you), my Instagram Stories has mutated into an advice section. I’ve received a few very interesting ones that made me seriously contemplate turning these Q&A’s into actual posts (whether for Substack, Tiktok, or Instagram Reels), for posterity’s sake.
While I try to figure it out, I thought I’d send you here one of the many I’ve received.
It goes:
“I know we’re living in the Marcos Era. And I’m aware that many people are suffering. But I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Am I supposed to feel guilty about it or hide my happiness?”
This was my reply:
I'm happy to know that you're happy.
I've seen people get canceled because they post about their happy lives, which others believe reveals their inability to "read the room". But which "room" are we really talking about? Because of the way it shows so much of what's happening around us, the internet has made it easier to feel guilty about so many things.
Ask: how does your unhappiness contribute to anything? Unless your happiness directly contributes to or is a result of the suffering of others (e.g. you are the son of a corrupt politician or Marcos crony), then it makes no sense to hide it because you entertain the idea that a faceless other will take offense.
Of course, I understand the concept of externalities, and how entangled our lives truly are, so there is often a connection between how our enjoyment of certain resources can impact how others live. (For example, the global demand for cheap fashion creates an incentive for people in another part of the world to build sweatshops and use materials that destroy the planet.)
You cannot be a purist when it comes to these things. But while some people are more privileged to make better choices, that isn't an excuse to not act at all.
Recently I was in an argument that called out veganism as classist and ableist, and the person was saying there were poor people who couldn't afford vegan food. But the existence of poor people doesn't mean you can't afford to act, especially when billions of sentient animals suffer and die because people don't see the connection of their temporary pleasures to another's suffering and death, and they are unwilling to consider the alternatives to eating meat or using cosmetics tested on animals or wearing dead animal skin.
We shouldn't appropriate other people's sufferings to excuse our inaction, especially when we can do something.
Recognize your duty to minimize the harm your life causes. But don't fake sadness just to feign empathy. During these times when we have so many reasons not to be happy, happiness can be a radical act.
One thing that crosses my mind often is if it’s people who lack the capacity to reflect on their happiness who cause the most damage. I suppose you first need to have an expansive view of space and time to truly consider the scale of your actions, and then a strong sense of duty to act on this perspective.
The irony is that it’s not people who need to hear this advice who actually seek this advice. Those who end up destroying the most are the ones who are likely convinced that it’s their purpose and birthright to do what they should do. Society rewards megalomaniacs and psychopaths.
If you have sincerely contemplated your impact in the world, I genuinely hope you come to terms with your own happiness. (But please don’t get stuck in the hedonic treadmill.)